Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
