my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
