I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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