Can i not drive my cunt home
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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