That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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