I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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