Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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