You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
