I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
