ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
