we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
