Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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