Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
