Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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