At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
