Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
