i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
