if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
