No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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