College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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