How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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