here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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