a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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