grandma shit on top of the toilet
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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