You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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