My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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