Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
