What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My ass is underappreciated
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
