I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I love you. Go after that dick
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
