Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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