my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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