you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
