I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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