who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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