I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
