Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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