Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
