Michael Bay diarrhea
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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