I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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