I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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