He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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