i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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