either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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