I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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