it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
