Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
