so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
kristin has been a bad kristin
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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