Swine flu. Run for my life!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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