She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
