so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
