found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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