Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
