So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
