So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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