You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Too much gin, very little bucket
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
