I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
