you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
