Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
