Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
