you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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