Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
