i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
