Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
