They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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