Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
